Welcome back!!! Man it has been a while since I was able to get my thoughts out and onto this screen for all you to feast on. And let me tell you something… I HAVE A TON TO SAY!!!!!!!!!

So the reason for my latest hiatus-means absence- is, I was inundated with reports and reading for the two classes I was taking at UNLV; English 460 and English 477. The work was tedious and took up a lot of my time, but I don’t mind as long as I get an A in the class. The only thing I have to complain about, well not the only thing…I mean let’s be honest… if I only had one thing to complain about The Rant Shack would be a lost cause…. Ok back on topic… ONE of the things that infuriated me- means made me really really mad-was this girl in the class named Jasmine…yep that’s her real name and I’m not afraid to use it. So, Jasmine if you are reading this I have something to say to you so get close to the screen and listen up…I HATE YOU!!!! Aackkehhmm ßme clearing my throat… And here are my top five reasons why.

Jasmine you suck
(The top FIVE)

5
You seemed to come in late to class every day with some type of new perfume on. And let me give you a little advice, ok….the maker of the fragrance intended the bottle to be used more than once…I mean honestly…do you smell so horrific that you feel the need to mask whatever noxious gas is obviously seeping out of your pores on a mission to assault all the nostrils within a two planet radius?? Because if that’s your purpose and the reason for your perfume showers just before crossing the threshold into the classroom…you got the amount right on the money…HOWEVER!!!!! If for some reason-unknown to the class, myself and science professionals-you have saturated your clothes with this “stink of the day” in an effort to smell pretty, let me let you in on a little secret…YOU ARE RETARDED and you smell like a mixture of stale hot dog water and burnt grits…oh and by the way…do you hear the words deet-dee-dee often in your head?

4
Ok sweetheart, I know you know that class started at 5:00 pm… and I recognize that you have an intense need to stroll in at about 5:23pm for that “gatta make an entrance” routine, but can I just give you one suggestion/question/complaint/observation??? WHY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS CRAIG’S LIST DO YOU FEEL IT A NECESSITY TO WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES INTO A DARK ROOM…90% of the time we were watching a movie with the lights out when you entered class…SO TAKE OFF THE WANNABE STUNNA SHADES AND OPEN THOSE BIG FAT EYES OF YOURS!!!!!!! Ok I could really blow a gasket if I continue on this one, so ill save my own life and move on…I just have to say one last thing on the subject…I Hate You!!!

3
Can I be the first one to say Welcome to the year 2008. We have lots of cool things going on in the world right now…scientology in all its retardedness, California leading the way in pole on pole marriage, we even have two interesting presidential candidates. One I guarantee knows old grandfather time personally and, if elected, could possibly meet Thantos** while still in office. The other candidate has an upper class mind set, says he is sympathetic to the “working middle class” and when referring to his teenage daughter said “I don’t want to punish her with a baby,” that is, if by chance she can’t keep her legs in the same time zone and practice a little thing I like to call moral integrity…but then again what would I know..

Well enough about the world let’s get back to you…

Allow me illuminate one thing for you… Spandex, yeah it only has one real function in society today…that function is for all the ultra thin or super big guys to wear as they strut around the local Golds Gym or 24hr fitness…you know so that everyone can see what they’re packin…even if it’s only a few tic-tac’s and a slurpee straw. But hey, I have to congratulate you on the spandex capri’s you have worn in a kaleidoscope of colors for the past four weeks solid…you have recovered the ancient “super spandex of 1981”…you know that type of spandex that really, reaLLY, REALLY holds it all up and in and together and around and down…I mean your spandex is soooo tight, I mistook your tan pair for two small children clinging to your legs as if your legs were a long lost friends or loved ones…I mean honestly, it would have taken the Jaws of life to remove those things…yikes…what if you got a sudden case of Montezuma’s revenge??? I guess your tan pants would be polka doted then.
**Thantos- The Greek God of a non-violent death**

2
I’m a big fan of the accessories…anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I like all things sparkly and heart shaped…with that said, one can take the accessories a bit too far…my dear…it has been made universally clear to me that you are in dire need of a fashion consultant…if you don’t believe me, confide in your full length mirror…yes you twit, it has to be a full length mirror, you have to see how you look, all of you, in totality. I am confident that I could transform you from the disgusting, sloppy cow you appear to be now, into something befitting a Monet or Van Gogh print.

There is one accessory you are constantly bringing to class that just exacerbates me-means to aggravate strongly, beyond reconciliation; almost as much as the Blue tooth ear piece, and everyone who has been with us for a while knows my distain for that ear cockroach. This accessory being that suitcase sized purse you always drag into class…that thing is like Mary Poppins crazy carpet bag-o-goodies. I know you are thinking economical, economical, but really??? 157 yards of thick, dark leather sewed together in a disgraceful fashion, is just a bit much…I’m not sure, but I think bright red might be a bit too tacky even for you..well maybe not.

The more I fester over the thought of your big, fat, ugly purse clutching to your big fat arm like a first time bungee jumper clings to the scaffolding before a jump, just exhausts all my energy..Bright RED… Who does that type of thing??awwgghh, PLEASE.. choose colors that go together or, at the very least, compliment each other a little. But then again, why would you wear anything that had coordination and class? I can tell you right now what will be your best, most flattering look…but I’m not sure if Versace (pronounced Ver-sachi) has come out with a summer burka line yet… oh well, here’s to hoping.

1
The number one reason I HATE YOU could encompass its own rant, but for our purposes I’ll limit my length. After typing until 2:45a.m I’m now a bit punch drunk. I have on many an occasion thought it would be comical to play dumb in school, at church, or when my wife asks me to do some chore I’m just not diggin’…but in the end I know it’s just a facade …my playing dumb, coy or a little Deet-Dee-Dee is just temporary and a means to an end…that end usually paying off with me declaring victory over my couch with my butt impressions in the couch not having the opportunity to re-adjust and fill back out…but you Jasmine, YOU have got to be one of the most mind numbingly dumb people I’ve ever had the extreme misfortune of interacting with… and here is one example of why…

In class, one of the things the professor said to help gauge the depth of poverty a story character was in, was whether or not the person owned a Radio…but the idea of everyone not having a radio was just not an option for you now was it??? In fact your exact quote to the class was “like, I thought everyone had a radio back then…because like, in every movie I’ve watched, like, I always see people sitting on the stoop listening to the radio.” OOOHHH Yes...silly me…I forgot… back then everyone got a clock radio at birth…you know, as a baby shower gift from the Radio Gods. AAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA!!!! (me Yelling out loud) But what made things so much worse, if such a thing were possible, you were dead serious when you said it.

Over all I think you have driven me past the point of lunacy with your crazy antics and your retarded gimmicks. Please do me a favor…give it a break!!!!

There you have it Jasmine, the top five reasons why I HATE YOU!!!! By the way, the comment about being punch drunk, yeah it has nothing to do with anything; I just thought I’d let you in on something from beyond the screen…

Now a little note to all reading
…the proceeding pictures are of the infamous Jasmine herself. All pictures were taken by me using ninja-esque stealth and craftiness. I was sitting in front of Jasmine in class and took the pictures with my cell phone’s camera. I acted like I was playing with the phone and took all the pictures. Then at the end of class, the professor asked her to stay after because she never reads the assignments and never has anything of real intellect to share with the class about said readings. So I took the opportunity to snap a few pics of Jasmine standing at the professors desk…notice the snooty posture she stands in……aaarrgghh. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed our little reunion. Talk to ya again soon.
CiAo!

Coming soon

The Top Ten Reasons I HATE YOU!!!! No not you, please give me the bennifit of the doubt, its about this chick in one of my summer classes. She is quite possibly the DUMBEST human alive. oh and by the way.... I only tell people I hate you behind your back...

CiAo!!

My Caviot

To all who read these blogs:

The views and opinions of The Rant Shack blog posts are the sole creation of the author and not any of his affiliates. I aim to entertain from the view point that will stir up the most interesting post. If you are offended by anything that is written please don’t stop visiting “The Shack.”

While this week’s rant might not see things from your view point, let me reassure you…eventually you will read a posting and agree with what was said. Heck…you might even agree so much that you have a little party inside to celebrate the vindication you feel.

I guess what I am trying to say is…The Shack is meant to entertain and to vent out any frustrations you and/or I feel about given topics. In the end if you just don’t like what was written, take up my wife’s philosophy on what I say…act like you are listening, but zone out 99% of what comes out of my mouth (or in this case fingers) untill you hear or read something you think is worth paying attention to.

This is a time tested philosophy that has had 100% positive results for keeping Tara’s sanity intact when talking to me… maybe you will have similar results… who knows?

Until next time CiAo!

The Great BTEP Epidemic

There you are standing in a line at some store or business, when all of the sudden the person behind you starts talking to you. Now you have never seen, yet alone spoken to this person before and can’t figure out why they would be asking you a question. But before you’ve had a chance to turn around and answer them, they have moved on to another line of questioning and you realize they were not even talking to you.

This really did happen to me at the UNLV bookstore. Now, for a second I thought the girl behind me in line was just flirting with me, and I was positive she had taken some type of opiate based crazy pills- because all the nonsense she was spouting off. She asked “so what classes are you taking this semester?” And before I could answer her she said, “I have taken that class, the professor was really boring.” As I turned around I realized she was not even speaking to me because she had her head tilted to the right and was looking out with this blank gaze. I could also see that she was not holding a cell phone in either hand.

Needless to say I was perplexed. Was this chick just retarded? Was she speaking to some imaginary friend that the rest of us are not privileged enough to know? Was she even on this rock I like to call Earth? Perhaps she was lunch’n? (lunch’n is a term that I use to describe the state of a person who is high and/or just not there, you know…out to lunch.)

I finally noticed who she was talking to. As I said before, she had her head tilted and I could only see the left half of her face. Had I been able to see her right ear I would have known right away that she was not talking to anyone in the bookstore. See, she had a Blue Tooth earpiece (BTEP) in and was talking on her cell phone. For all of those reading this who don’t know what a Blue Tooth ear piece is, I have one thing to say to you…wake up and smell the technology, it’s the year 2008 and life is passing you by. Oh and by the way, Grandma and Grandpa Waite if you are reading this…don’t worry; you get a pass on this one. You no doubt have acquired more knowledge of things pertaining to life than I can ever hope to in two life times.

Allow me to break off on a tangent quickly….when I think about how growing old is viewed these days, I can’t help but think how arrogant and misguided we are as a society in our way of thinking. Growing old should not be viewed as a curse of nature or a cruel trick God plays on the beautiful. But rather, we should look at those growing old with a little envy and a healthy bit of jealousy. I say this because they have traveled the paths of life, gained tremendous amounts of life experience and have declared victory over all trials, calamities and circumstances that could end one’s life. Growing old can, and in my opinion, should be looked at as one of the greatest opportunities one we have in this life.

Ok, point made...moving on.

She was just standing there, talking on this earpiece that was blinking like a ticking time bomb. It’s almost as though this blinking light attempts to announce to all within a ten foot radius that the persons head will explode if they cease to talk at outrageous sound levels.

Why is it these people can’t tell by the angry stares and annoyed sighs from all those around them, that they are talking at mind numbing volumes? They apparently don’t know that they look like crazy people, just standing in various places yapping away to themselves. It’s kinda pathetic.

To all who use the BTEP (such a hideous device)…I understand that life is full of hard jobs and endless tasks to be undertaken. However, is your life soo difficult, and your day soo exhausting that you can’t spare the strength to actually pick up the 10 oz cell phone in your pocket and hold it to your ear while you commence the endless chatter with your friends? Oh and by the way…for the love of all things Mary Kay, if you insist on using that ear piece…TAKE THE THING OUT WHEN YOU ARE NOT USING IT!!! You have no idea how ridiculous you look with that thing just sitting on the side of your head.

To all those who do not use the BTEP…thank the manufacturer that there are still people of sound mind out there; People who have the forethought and intellect to refrain from an activity that could bring Mother Teresa to fisticuffs-that’s fighting for the late person.

In closing…the BTEP has become somewhat of an epidemic. And while we may not be able to do much about those who have already caught this debilitating parasite, we can do something to stop them from spreading the disease to future generations. So please…HELP CONTROL THE BTEP POPULATION, HAVE YOUR BTEP WEARING FRIENDS SPAYED OR NUTERED!!!

CiAo!

Idiots Rising

There are a few items of house cleaning that I need to take care of before we start in on this week’s rant. First, to all my friends, family and anyone loyal to The Rant Shack, I must apologize to you for the few week hiatus that I took but I have a good reason for doing so. As most of you know, I am still in college and attending UNLV. These past few weeks I took every spare moment I had to study and prepare for my finals. I am happy to report I got 100% on both of my music finals, however I don’t know what I got on my English final portfolio-but I did get an “A” in the class.

Second, on the last rant “Food For Thought” I mentioned that the ten dollars I spent was the only money my wife gave me for my monthly allowance. OK, for all those who are too dense to have figured this out… that was a joke! Let me make one thing clear. My wife gives me all the money I want. In fact, I have so much money that I find myself reaching for fives and tens to blow my nose in rather than a tissue. Now I know what you are thinking…knights of Columbus, why for the love of everything holy do you use the fives and tens? I use fives and tens because the fibers in the twenties and hundreds are stiffer and harsher on the nose; so I use the fives and tens. And thus ends our house cleaning for the day.

Now, on with the rant!!!

PEOPLE WHO CAN’T DO THEIR JOB/HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT WHAT THEIR JOB ENTAILS, ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. I like to call these people Idiots Rising; Idiots because they are, and rising because it seems that there are an ever increasing number of them.


As I stated previously, I am in school getting my undergraduate degree. Just in case anyone reading this has not gone to college, for every degree there are a few classes that everyone needs; we will call these the “general” courses or just “generals” for short. Now these generals are required for everyone to take and pass in order to get a degree. I have been pursuing this degree of mine for quite some time and had my generals out of the way a little while ago; or so I thought.

Let me take you back a few years ago to a scenario when I was seated in one of the counselor’s offices at CSN (formerly CCSN). We have our conversation about the direction that I want to go with my education and then she spells out what classes are needed as far as the generals are concerned. There was one section of the generals that I paid close attention to because I am not a fan of it… The US history section. Now don’t get me wrong…I can appreciate our countries history just as much as the next cornbread eating, barnyard raised, rebel flag waiving hillbilly, but two semesters of it is like death for me. So I try and knock that requirement out over time to spread out the pain. The counselor told me that I needed to take US history 101 and 102 or political science. And for those of you who don’t know what I think about politics, here is a crash course in Trevor’s political ideas. I have one thought about politicians…the sooner we realize that most of, if not all of them are corrupt and retarded, the sooner I can be crowned the undisputed king of the world.

OK we are getting off subject here… so she tells me this and I suffer through the classes and move on with life. Now she swore up and down that those two classes were all I needed to take, in order to satisfy the US constitutions requirement. ASSUMING she had a clue about what she was saying, I did not give the topic a second thought, and why should I? I paid the hundreds of dollars to sit in the classes, I sold a kidney to purchase the course books and I eventually I got my A’s.

Jumping forward a few years (and a few thousand dollars), my sweet wife decides that it would be a good idea to go see the counselor at UNLV, just to make sure that things are still on track. So I go, sit in the musty 12x12 closet they call a counselors office and wait the fifteen minutes that it apparently takes to fill out a pre-printed, fill in the blanks form of the classes I have and those I still need. Once again I am assured that all the generals are out of the way and all requirements have been met. So I get home and show my wife with a huge, and I am sure, stupid grin on my face that declared to the world “look at me, I’m a moron who’s just standing here holding a worthless piece of paper, but Hoover damn I feel special for doing so!”
There is one thing you must remember before moving on…we are now two college student counselors into declaring victory over these generals.

Once again jump ahead a few weeks to the day my wife gets online and looks up the DARS report. This is the report that you can get online at UNLV’s website that shows what generals/degree requirements have and have not been met. And would'nt you know…This thing said that the only generals class that I was not done with… was the constitutions requirement. It stated that I needed one US constitution and one Nevada history class to fulfill the requirement. WHAT THE???!@!!!! What, did the counselors forget this? Has there been some cataclysmic event that, all of the sudden the requirements have changed on the counselors and they have not been briefed on the new changes???? Two counselors! TWO FREAKING COUNSELORS!! Not one of them figured this little tid bit of information would be useful to me. Oh gosh... so the time that I spent in the chair with these two idiots posing as educators was all for not…how is it possible that they were unable to have foreseen this?? Is the DARS report some super secret squirrel stuff that only my wife has access to??

Ohh I was so mad!!! So now I am stuck having to take another class, and by the way…thank you because I have now paid for a class that is useless. I guess it not such a bad thing due to the fact that I blow my nose in money, right?

Why are the people that should be the most proficient and knowledgeable about any given topic usually the ones that are the most retarded; like riding the little yellow bus to school retarded? I swear that it seems like some people try their hardest to be incompetent, if only just to get out of doing their job. It’s almost like these people are running in a moronathon and the grand prize is free lunch and no work for a year. I find it hard to grasp the concept that these people have obviously mastered; the concept that working very hard to not do your job is easier than working moderately hard, and just doing your job. But what do I know right? I only live in a crazy little place called REALITY!!!

To all of those reading that happen to fall into the category of an idiot rising, do me a favor…stop wasting your bosses time and get back to work.

CiAO!

P.S.
Sorry Whit (my sister) for the “little bus comment”; like mom said when we were growing up...you are special! And everyone who meets you knows it a few seconds in to the conversation. ;-)

Just a Tease

I, like many of you, do not make millions of dollars a year and therefore must keep to a strict budget. In keeping with this budget there are a few things that make me insane to spend money on. The first is anything that I have to buy again. Let me clarify. I hate buying things twice!

Ooohhh. I must digress for a second and give a little information that I forgot to give all of you in The Genesis. For the most part I will be using a passive voice in these rants, informants and the anecdotes. However, in an effort to add color to the readings I will use punctuation that will denote very specific emotions and/or voice types. So, when you see either of these two punctuation marks at the end of a sentence, read that sentence over in the voice style that the punctuation denotes. The first punctuation mark is the question mark (?). When this is used, read the sentence as though I am using a voice that sounds confused. It would be a higher pitched, slow sentence. The second is the exclamation point (!). When I use this read the sentence as if I am YELLING! This sentence utilizes the type of voice that is very loud, very quick paced and very matter-of-fact. Ok moving on.

The second thing that makes me insane to spend money on is food that I don’t and won’t eat. For those of you who don’t know, I am considered by many the modern day Hitler of eating. I am ruthlessly stringent on what I will and will not eat and to deviate from what is on my diet makes me want to lash out irrationally. I could divulge the reasons for my O.C.D, but that would ruin the opportunity to give the topic its own rant. And it is spending money on food that this week’s rant is going to be centered around. I should have the rant posted by Thursday so check back, until then adieu.

Genesis: The Beginning

After all the anticipation, The Rant Shack is up and I’m ready to rant. Let me give you the history behind The Rant Shack and its conception.
A few months back I got onto my e-mail and saw I had received a message from my sister. The e-mail was about a blog that she had created which she was going to use to post information about her family, more specifically her newborn son. So, being the good brother that I am, I quickly checked out this blog of hers. To my surprise, I found her blog rather spectacular. She had a few pictures of her family, and the blog layout was quite nice. However, I was drawn to an enormous list of names to the left side of the blog entitled “Blogger Buddies.” As I scrolled through what seemed to be an unending list of people, I realized two things. First, it was painfully apparent that my sister had a talent for building web sites -and I am glad that she has put this talent to good use. Second, either she is WWWAAAYYY more popular than me, or, she has been spending a lot of time listing names for her imaginary friends.
About a third of the way down the list, around name 3355, I noticed a few names that were familiar. I figured the names were pretty common and thus, the links could be to anyone’s blog. Boy was I mistaken! Of every name that looked familiar, there were only three I did not know. So, I clicked on a name and immediately I got whizzed off to that person’s blog. I got the same result for several of the familiar names.
Never had any of these people mentioned these blogs to me, and some of them I consider to be close friends, dang near family. I felt betrayed. Bamboozled. Hornswagled even. This was no ordinary hurt. This was hurt like a fat kid feels when he realizes mom used light whip cream on his double fudge brownie split. You know that deep rooted, industrial grade, just got told you were ugly type of hurt.
Well, needless to say I needed an outlet to vent this betrayal borne frustration. Oh sure, I could have turned to the usual vices: a dozen chocolate roses, a gallon tub of cookie dough ice cream, or years of fruitless yet expensive therapy. However, despite all the fantastic options I had, I chose to go outside, sit on the covered swing in my back yard and cry it out. It was then that I had, what I feel, was a stroke of genius. I thought to myself, “what the heck, if they can have a blog than why can’t I?” So I started planning The Rant Shack.
Often words spoken in the heat of the moment are sharp, ill placed, un-thought out and thus almost always “taken back.” For this reason I feel that what I have to say and/or rant about, just might accomplish a few things for me as the author and you as the reader. First, I will be able to have a place that I can vent out my frustrations about any topic I choose. Second, we all experience the same things, just the people and locations change. I hope The Rant Shack becomes a place that you can turn for some type of solace, advice or just a good laugh. To realize this goal I will post weekly blogs of some sort whether they are aimed at reliving my stress (the rants), giving some kind of advice I found helpful with some topic or situation (the informant), or just a generally funny story (the anecdotes).
I will also open the topic pool up to you. You can email me and request a rant, an informant or an anecdote on any topic you would like. I will more than likely have a few blogs cookin’ on any given week, so just have patience with me and I will absolutely get to what you have requested.
One last thing. I realize that we live in an exciting technological world full of crazy gadgets and things that help us be better than we could be on our own. To put it bluntly, I CAN’T SPELL!!!!! Nor have I ever, or will I ever say I can. So if there are words that the spell checker does not pick up… blame my wife for not catching them. Other than that I don’t think there will be many postings quite this long but I wanted to give you the genesis of The Rant Shack. Thanks for reading, please come back and as always… enjoy your life, you only get one.